Why you don't need a man...or a woman

This quote from The Great Divorce by CS Lewis has been in my head lately. The story is about people going to kind of a middle ground where they can choose to either go to Heaven or hell. In this middle ground, the spirits who have gone to heaven already come to meet those who are just arriving to convince them to come to heaven with them. This particular conversation is between a woman who is already an angel, or has chosen to go to Heaven, and her earthly Love, who is deciding now which route he will take.

“I am in love. In love, do you understand? Yes, now I love truly.”Says the woman.

“You mean,” said the Tragedian, “you mean—you did not love me truly in the old days?”
“Only in a poor sort of way,” she answered. “I have asked you to forgive me. There was a little real love in it. But what we called love down there was mostly the craving to be loved. In the main I loved you for my own sake: because I needed you.”
“And now!” said the Tragedian with a hackneyed gesture of despair. “Now, you need me no more?”
“But of course not!” said the Lady; and her smile made me wonder how both the phantoms could refrain from crying out with joy.
“What needs could I have,” she said, “now that I have all? I am full now, not empty. I am in Love Himself, not lonely. Strong, not weak. You shall be the same. Come and see. We shall have no need for one another now: we can begin to love truly.” 

I absolutely LOVE that quote. I think of all the songs, movies, dramas that make romance and love look like it is built around a desperate need. A need to have someone complete you. A need to be loved. I see it in myself often; sometimes I do things in relationships and I THINK I am being selfless...but in reality I am just trying to secure the fact that I am needed, and I am worthy to be loved. If I could put aside my desperate craving to be loved, my motives would be pure and I would love more fully and deeply.

I remember my dad telling me once that I was "co-dependent" on a certain guy I was dating. That I was so obsessed, I guess you could say, with him that I wouldn't be able to function without him as long as I stayed in this co-dependent state. I remember getting furious at my dad and wondering why that was so wrong. What was so wrong with needing someone in your life so desperately? Wasn't that love? When we broke up my life was in shambles for awhile...and I really felt I couldn't function. "We must be meant to be together" I would think, "Or else why would it cause us both so much pain to be apart, even for a day?"

I look back at my sad little self and have to smile a little. My dad was right. Co-dependency is not healthy. Nor is it true love. It's selfish infatuation and obsession.

You don't need a lover in your life. If you focus your life around Christ and His Love, your needs will all be met. And you will have no need for anyone else. Then, once your needs are met by His Pure Love, THEN you may truly love...pure, unselfish, consecrated love.