I had it all planned out.
I would go into labor naturally on my own and have a beautiful un-medicated labor and birth. I would calmly breath my way through contractions and feel that rush of endorphins when it was all over with and my sweet baby was in my arms.
Then, once we returned home I would work with my baby and we'd have a perfect, predictable eating sleeping playing schedule and get her sleeping through the night as soon as possible.
I read all the books, took classes, did my Kegels and whatever else I was suppose to do. I read books about newborns and breastfeeding and I had it all planned out. Labor and having a newborn would be wonderful.
Ha!
Pretty much everything I had planned out in my silly little head did not happen. In fact, all the opposite things happened. And here is the story....
Ten days past my due date I went to see my midwife. They ran some test and Brina did not pass. They were not seeing enough movement and couldn't find a breathing pattern. I was freaked out! I kept asking everyone "is my baby okay?!" and I couldn't seem to get a straight answer, which only freaked me out more. Then all I got from my midwife's little speech she gave me were the words "induce" and "stillbirth". I think she was trying to tell me they wanted to induce me so it wouldn't lead to a still birth but the very mention of the word made me nauseous. I was told to go to the hospital immediately. So my mom took me and we met my husband there. I was trying so hard to keep smiling ... I was going to have my baby! But I was bitterly disappointed that I would be induced and terrified something was wrong with my little girl. I remember joking with my mom and Brad trying to be happy. But inside I wanted to sit down by myself and cry.
I had heard horror stories of the dreaded pitocin, but I still wanted to try to use the least amount of drugs possible. Being induced meant putting drugs in my body which ruined my hope for an un-medicated birth. But I still wanted to try and do it without the epidural because I had heard of problems with pitocin and the epidural. ( watch the business of being born and you'll see what I mean.)
I started out ok. Soon I got in the jacuzzi and that helped immensely. I was able to relax through the contractions with Brad helping me and talking me through them and pouring cold water on me which felt SO good for some reason. I was doing ok I think for awhile until BAM I completely lost control. I think it happened when I lost focus when the midwife suggested I change positions. One lesson leaned : in labor ignore everyone else and do what you want. After that I started screaming like a crazy woman. There was barely a brake between contractions and they were coming hard and fast. I had the midwife check me and I was only at a four!!!!!!! Then I remembered her saying earlier it would take all night. And that was it. I asked for an epidural. I was shaking so bad I wasn't sure how they were going to get it in, but they did. I made it to a seven before they did. I remember groaning through contractions as they got me ready and thinking how much it helped... when before I thought it was silly. I also remember when they said I had progressed so quick to a seven I wanted to tell them never mind I'm almost there! But I couldn't really talk or think straight at that point.
Once the epidural kicked in things were much easier of course. What I didn't know was that my baby's heart
rate had dropped and stayed dangerously low. If I would have known that would happen I would have stuck it out. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think I almost could have lost her.
Pushing took forever. I kept trying to smile through my oxygen mask because I was excited to meet my baby. But inside I was still scared, especially as I saw the looks on the faces of my midwife and nurses and heard my midwife mutter "this isn't working."
FINALLY Brina decided to make her entrance into the world. They placed her purple little body on me for a few seconds. Just as I was about to reach out and cuddle her someone yelled "She need resuscitation!!" and yanked her away from me. I was so terrified and kept praying and praying that everything would be okay.
And it was.
Soon enough she was all wrapped up and in my arms, everyone left but my husband and mom and all was peaceful. We had made it.
She was born with a full head of hair (which is mostly gone now) and was 8lbs 5 oz and 21 in long. She is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.
The whole experience was rather traumatic. Yet, I would go through it all over again for my little girl. I never knew I could love someone and want to give my life to someone so quickly.
So yes, it was nothing like I expected. But it doesn't really matter does it? She is safe and sound in my arms, and I could not ask for more.
