Thursday, July 26, 2012

Random thoughts...Gay marriage and modestly. Two unrelated topics.

HI. It's late, I should be cleaning the house but I have the WHOLE day off tomorrow to do it. So I'm sitting here waiting for the husband to come home reading the news and other peoples blogs. I'm just in one of those thinking moods.
I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore, especially since I don't have face book anymore. I don't really care because people would probably just get on my case anyways. I just need to think through typing right now.
I have been reading about the Chick-fil-A drama. I love how the founder has no problem standing up for what he believes. I love that he doesn't care that things he does will perhaps cause him to lose money. That is incredible faith and courage.
On the other hand, I hate how when he says "I stand with the Bible's view of marriage" and chooses not to support gay marriage, people get all up in arms and automatically label him as a hateful bigot. Our church as well opposes gay marriage, yet we allow "gay" people in our church and would NEVER want any harm to come to them. Just because we believe something is wrong, doesn't mean we will be hateful to the people who are doing what we believe is wrong. That was never a part of or gospel and never will be. People may argue that not allowing two people who are in love to get married is hateful. It's not. I don't hate gay people. I love them. I've had gay/lesbian friends and I love them and think they should be treated with respect. Yet, I cannot support gay marriage because it is something I believe to be morally wrong. Am I allowed to have moral beliefs anymore? It seems that we are all suppose to be tolerant of everyone and everything, yet no one is very tolerant of my moral beliefs.
I like to switch the situation around in my head. Say I really wanted to marry my husband, but I lived in a world where people we're telling me that's wrong and preventing me from marrying him. I think if I had friends that told me they loved me and thought I was a great person, yet would not support me marrying my husband, I would be sad but I wouldn't hate on them. I wouldn't disown them as a friend. I would understand that we just have different views.
And granted, it's easier to think hypothetically. Yet, I still hope that people can see that though I am against gay marriage I am not against people with those tendencies. And I hope we can still be friends.
But, as I see it, it seems the time is coming where the divide is getting larger. People who are tolerant of all but the religious, and the religious. It's a sad relazation.

On another note...another thing that has been driving me crazy has been the issue of modesty with in our own religion. I have made comments here and there about how it is okay to be motivated by the desire to help others to dress modestly. When I mention that people jump down my throat saying "how dare you blame women for men's dirty thoughts! It's their own fault if they have nasty minds!"
What I see here is the blame game. Well, more than that really. It's just a big mess. The media puts pressure on women or men to be sexy and show their bodies off and so of course we want to do that. Then in the gospel we are taught to dress modestly. So women or men may feel oppressed because we can't compete with the other women who are dressing immodestly. Then when we do show a little skin we get a mean note from the guy in the library telling us how awful we are. We feel guilty and on the other hand we want support to tell us that we aren't that bad and it's his own fault for thinking dirty thoughts that jerk.
On the other hand, men are taught by the media that looking at skimpily dressed girls is normal and okay and healthy even. Then, turn around and the gospel tells you to "not lust". Because there is porn and immodestly all over in the media, they have a hard time keeping their thoughts in line...between the media putting it constantly in their faces and the world telling them they aren't normal if they aren't focused on's a difficult battle they fight as well. Then they see a girl that should be dressed modestly that isn't and a bad thought comes in their head. Then they get angry at the girl and think "what a slut" for dressing that way and blame her.

Rather than blaming each other I think it is important to think of the whole reason of our existence. CHARITY. Without charity, we are nothing. Now let's think of this situation in a more charitable light.

The woman. She feels pressure to dress a certain way but has been taught  not to. She has a dear friend who she knows struggles with pornography. She knows many others around her do as well. She knows her friend has a good heart and is not a dirty minded jerk and is trying desperately to overcome his temptations. She also knows when she dresses immodestly ...even makes it very difficult for him. Not because he's a filthy minded pig, but because he is a human being with his own trials and weaknesses. Knowing this strengthens her resolve to dress modestly. She wants to do all she can to help her friend and others who are having the same struggle.

The man. He feels a natural desire to look at immodestly dressed women. Being a good member of the church he tries not to and tries to keep his thoughts in check. It is an everyday battle for him and some days he is winning and some days he is losing. But each day he fights. Then one day he sees a girl who's shirt is low cut. Rather than get angry at her, he thinks about how hard it is to dress modestly in a society that teaches it is  "old fashioned" or "frumpy" to do so. It is hard to feel beautiful when the world says you aren't unless you show some skin. He understands this, and rather than get angry at the girl, he removes himself from the situation, and focuses his thoughts on other things.

The answer is charity. You can talk "self respect" to me all day. But in the end "if you have not charity, (you are) nothing" (1 Cor. 15:2)

I have lots of other thoughts...about how we really are our brothers' keeper and that we really are required not only to be good ourselves but to not be a stumbling block to others. Salvation is a joint effort, and we must realize that. It is not good enough to try to get to heaven by yourselves. It is never going to work. We need the Savior, and we need each other to support and lift.


  1. i read you!
    i miss you. can we get together in the next month... i'm moving. call me or email me!

  2. I'm still reading! You made some good points. I feel frustration on a daily basis with modesty. Garments make it much harder to wear anything immodest, but it is so hard to find shirts that are modest and still cute. At least the bare belly thing has fallen out of style (for the most part).

  3. Good point. I think charity is the answer (as always). I'm still reading!

  4. I love this. You are really good at at taking a step back and looking at each side of the argument. But really good, is the idea of charity. Man, if we just stopped thinking about being right, and more about helping each other, it would yield greater understanding and cooperation. In that regard, I think that topics really are related! Glad you decided to speak out too!

  5. I just read this blog post by a gay Mormon about male modesty and it reminded me of your post here. So I'm sharing it.

  6. I am the gay Mormon author of that post and found this when my blog told me others were finding my post from this one! Thanks for sharing your own thoughts here as well. I really like your thoughts on charity and the importance of trying not to be a stumbling block. :)