I've been reading this book lately that has captivated the way I think. I have a big problem with beating up on myself. The author brings up an interesting point about when we as human beings do this. He gives the example of a nice looking girl who thinks she's hideous, a super mom who struggles with depression because of all she isn't doing, and a macho man who turns to terrorist to prove he is not weak. Because they have such over the top expectations, they see themseleves and all their mistakes worse than they are...seeing only the "monster" that they are.The author talks about how these monsters we make of our selves (the girl feeling like a hideous beast, the man turning into a terrorist, the mom feeling like a failure of a mom) would not even exist if we did have such ridiculous expectations of ourselves. If the girl didn't have that desperate desire to be drop dead gorgeous, and the man didn't idealize himself as incredibly courageous and strong, and the mother didn't picture herself as the perfect mom, these hideous monsters they imagine themselves to be would not exist.
This stuck a chord with me, because it's true. It seems I am always trying to "prove my worth" (as the author states). We are all get caught up at times trying to prove to others or ourselves how beautiful we are, how sociable, how financially successful, how kind and generous, how religious, how knowledgeable...the list goes on (and I'm not just saying that I really could list several more attributes). I think we all probably do it to one degree or another.
But the thing is, if we really understood what we were worth, we wouldn't need to prove it. If I really understood that I am a divine daughter of a loving, powerful God, and that I am of infinite worth, then I wouldn't need to prove that I'm beautiful, smart, or funny. I would know that I am worth something with out all that. And then, I could focus all my energies on others, rather than myself.
I want to be rid of this monster I have created. I want to believe what I always have heard growing up that I am of infinite worth.
The question I have is...how do I get there?