Tuesday, March 22, 2011

This is my life...am I who I want to be?

This recording inspires me...along with all of her other amazing thoughts...


I love this!

I want to be focused on Christ. I want so much to put aside my selfishness and self concern and my pride, and make my Savior the center of my life. I want to give Him my life. I want to surrender.

But how? Where do I start? I get so weighed down by the cares of the world or the tasks of the day. There are always dishes to wash.  I'm addicted to facebook. I get distracted by everything. I get to the end of the day and feel like...I've accomplished next to nothing even though I have been so busy.

I want desperately to be a woman of Christ. I don't want to live in this complacency I've fallen into. I want to change my life. I want to commit. I want to be brave and bold and speak out for Christ, rather than step back in timidness because I know the world will mock me or the devil will fight me for standing up for truth and speaking out against what is wrong. I want to fight for a cause...there are so many things I am concerned about in the world that I want to reach out and help in one way or another. BUT WHAT DO I END UP DOING EVERY DAY? Work, dinner, facebook, errands, TV, bed. I don't want to live this passionless life anymore. I know I was born for more than this. We all are.

I have this deep feelings, this intense desire to "arouse my faculties and awaken my soul," I want to shake of this apathy I've fallen into ...but I don't know where to start. I want to surrender. I want life abandonment to the Lord and His children. But where do I start?

I guess it is with the simple things.

Praying. I mean, I pray all the time, but rarely do I really pray, rarely do I really talk to God, and sincerely listen. I need to make truly praying and pouring out my soul and listening to God a bigger part of my life. Then will I know His will for me, what path I should take, what causes I should fight for and how, and how I can put aside my constant selfishness and pride.

Scriptures. Once again, I read daily. At least a verse. But I think I need my scriptures time to be more fulfilling. I need to ponder, meditate, study. Rather than just read. I need to be awake when I am doing it and I need to give myself time to think and open my heart to what God would have me do.

Eliminate and multitask. This is not a primary answer but in thinking about what I need to do I am realizing what I need to stop doing. TV is basically a huge waste of time. There is so many greater things in the world, so many more important causes to fight for...how can I waste my life sitting on a couch? Facebook is a waste of time too...a good way to communicate but when five minutes turns into an hour... a waste.
Some things I can't eliminate. Cooking, cleaning, going to work...those are kind of essential. However, in stead of just going to work, I can go to work with the attitude of  "who would God have me serve today?". This way I am doing more to center myself on Christ while carrying out the task I need to carry out daily.

I'll start there. I know there are a million more things I need to work on, but I will take baby steps. I will pray. I will study and ponder. I will eliminate and multitask.

And I will draw upon the Grace of Christ, which I need more than anything.

And I will grow.

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