Dressing Your Truth

I know I haven't blogged on here in FOREVER. I have like six other blogs I've been working on, haha.

But I just have to blog about this program called "Dressing Your Truth." I heard about it from some people in my ward. First I thought "Hmm, interesting." Then I looked it up and thought it was kind of fun, but then I got really annoyed because I felt like it was saying that you have to buy her program and whatever to feel confident. I already feel confident with the way I look and happy as can be in my own skin (this was not always true but read my other post if you want to see how I got there.) I also didn't like that it seemed to focus on looks, and that looks were the source of confidence.

BUT I couldn't help but still be intrigued by the whole idea so I read her book, got into it a little more, and yes now I admit I'm in love with it. Carol Tuttle's dressing your truth program goes so much deeper than how you look. It is about being YOU. Like I said, I feel confident with my looks and body, but for me I am not super confident with who I am. I've always wondered who I am  really and I tend to act in whatever way other people perceive me. For example, I think most of my ward thinks I'm shy, so I just keep on acting mellow and quiet around them even though doing so makes me feel uncomfortable and not like myself. Anyway, this program helps you come to better understand WHO YOU REALLY ARE and how who that person you are is phenomenal. She makes every type of person look amazing. I think sometimes some parts of our culture look down on strong women, yet she shows how powerful and wonderful they can be. Also I think other parts of our culture look down on women who are bright and bubbly, and she shows how it is important to not suppress that side for fear of being labeled "immature" and how that too is a beautiful movement. Also our culture can look down on soft women and see them as weak, but she shows the strength that the "soft, subtle woman" can have and how they are beautiful too. I love it.  She is not about changing your body or focusing on fitting some mold. She is about bring out the best in people. She is about putting aside stereotypes of how women should be or how other people think you should be and really living TRUE TO YOURSELF.

This is incredibly empowering to me. Through reading and understanding more about her program I have gone deeper and learned so much about myself. I've learned that I hold back a lot of who I am because I'm afraid of being something different than what people perceive me as. And in doing so, I am sure I have  missed many opportunities to grow and do great things. But NO MORE. I want to stop listening to what everyone else tells me to be and be the woman God created me to be. And I honestly think I can better serve Him when I am more fully being myself.

SO...basically I wanted to post about it because I wanted to share the "course" with you. It is fun and free and gets you really thinking about who you are and what parts of you you may be suppressing. Yes she is going to try and sell you her product but you don't have to buy it to start really learning about yourself and learning what it means to really truly be and love yourself how you are. So...go ahead! Give it a try! It's fun!

http://dressingyourtruth.com/


Yes there are only four "types" which weirded me out too. But she describes it not as a personality test (because personalities are so much more diverse and complex) but as a "movement through life." The other thing I love about it is it has really helped me understand people who think differently than me, and help me really relate to them. I shared it with my sisters and we love chatting about how we do things and it is so fun to see the different ways we think and the ways we can relate. Watch it and enjoy :)

My Beauty Battle

Awhile ago I wrote a blog post about my obsession with being pretty. All my life I've struggled with self-image issues and never feeling good enough in those areas, as many have.

Until now.

Now, I don't think my struggles have gone away for good, but they have diminished, almost to the point of forgetting them all together.

I remember a comment a friend made on that particular post that made me think. My insecurities and desire to be perfectly beautiful will always be something I will have to battle, yet I must keep fighting everyday. And though it may never go away, it can be so small I don't even notice it anymore.

That's how I feel currently. Here's what helped me:

1. I stopped obsessing. The less time I spend in front of the mirror, the less time I have to make false assumptions about my looks. The more time I have to give to my family and others, which makes me truly beautiful. True beauty means forgetting about beauty.

2. I eliminated media that makes me feel inferior.  This is probably different for anyone, but any time I see a skimpily dressed woman on TV, in magazines, on the internet, I immediately begin thinking about my body and how I'll never measure up. As we have gotten rid of any type of media that would cause that feeling in me, I feel SO much better. I feel the temptation to compare, because I am not seeing anything to compare to.

3. I try to fill my life with good.  Good movies, songs, books, people, activities. As I fill my life with good and wholesome things, there is no room for anything else.

Now my goal is to fight. Fight for others, especially for young girls today who are facing an onslaught of photoshopped media and things like "thinsporations". I want them to feel like I do.

At peace.

Year of Consecration

This is my year of consecration. I feel funny saying that though, because it's like I am trying it out for a year, and if it doesn't work then I'll call it quits. No, that's not what I am trying to say. I want this year and ALL the years to follow to focus on one simple goal:

Consecrating my life to God.

I think people might think I'm over the top for this. A little too religious. And if they think that, that's okay. I think I probably would have thought that of myself a few years ago. In fact, I remember meeting someone with the desire to be completely devoted to God and thinking "Okay, you're a little weird." So if you're reading this and thinking that, I totally understand. But this focus is where I feel Heavenly Father is pointing me towards, and I've felt that for awhile, starting on my mission. It faded for a couple of years, but now the desire to be poured out for Christ is back.

My goal in life is to give my life to My King, and serve Him in whatever way He wants. It is a surrendering of my agency. It is placing my heart on the alter for Him to take. It is trusting Him and having faith rather than fear. It's becoming a " living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1).

I am sure I will find happiness and joy in this way of living, yet, that cannot be my motive. If I am serving God because it makes me happy, that is good, but not the best. I must serve Him not for the reward but out of the love and gratitude I feel for Him as I come to know Him and His Son better each day. As I come to understand the sacrifice of Our Heavenly Father and His Son, I will feel a greater and greater desire to give my all.

Why? Because I don't deserve anything. I came to that realization along time ago. I was angry that an ex-boyfriend of mine had rebounded quickly and found love again and I was still suffering. I felt that I had been the good one, and made the right choices, and I didn't understand why I wasn't being blessed like he was. If he deserved love, I definitely did, I thought. Right as I had that thought I tuned in to the words of the song that was playing on my computer: 

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar (Hear the song here)

At that point I saw the picture of Christ in Gethsemane on my desk and like a ton of bricks the ridiculousness of my anger and entitlement hit me. I don't deserve anything. I make mistakes everyday, and I've made some pretty horrible ones. But He, our ever merciful Savior gave everything so I could be washed clean. He took my sins. He took my brokenness and paid the price for it and healed me. He made me white as snow, through His blood, through His suffering. How could I ever feel I deserved anything? I am undeserving. He is deserving. He is deserving of my devoted life. He is deserving of my complete and utter consecration! I cannot offer any less.

How will I start?

1. Consecrate my morning: Seek Him early (Psalms 63:1), Rise, pray, exercise, study the scriptures, journal time. 

2. Consecrate my day: 2 Nephi 32:9 Talk to Him all day. No matter what "busy" things I do I can keep my thoughts elevated and consecrate all I do to Him. 

• Keep a scripture in my mind. I want to memorize one from my scriptures study each day. I want to do this in those down moments where I am waiting or while I am cleaning or doing something else that doesn't need my mind so much.
• I want to listen to conference or other uplifting books and talks during the day.
• I want to minimize my time on social networks or watching TV or anything that might distract me from hearing His voice and His will for me. 

3. Consecrate my night: I want to be sure I pray before I go to sleep and as I drift off to sleep I want to have my mind on Him and His word.
4. Consecrate my heart: What do I love? Do I love what he loves? I want to eliminate things from my life that God does not love. Any kind of inappropriate media or anything that makes me feel the absences of the spirit I want to get rid of in my life. I want my heart to be His.
5. Consecrate my LIFE

• SERVICE
• To my family: Pray and look for ways I can serve my family daily, especially my husband and baby girl.
• To all in my circle: I want to pray to know how to lift and show love to all those who are around me. I want to take Elder Ballard's advice from last conference and pray and actively look for one service opportunity a day...but hopefully I will find many more than just one. I want to "suppress not a kind thought"...or deed.
• To the world: I want to do monthly service projects that include those in my circle of influence to help those who are seemingly out of my circle of influence. 

 So this is it. This is my one new year's resolution. To devote my life to the one who has given all for me, the one who has washed my sins clean and made me white as snow. To be a living sacrifice for my King.

White as Snow, By Greg Olsen

What I KNOW

The idea of "knowing" has been on my mind a lot as of late. People think I cannot "know" that God exists, only believe. That might be true for some. But then I ask "How do you know what you know?"  Some examples of their answers might be:

• I can see it
• I studied it in school
• It's scientifically proven
• I can hear it
• I can feel it
• I can touch it
• I can figure it out logically
• I read about it

 ...And the list can go on and on telling me how to really know something. There are many ways we think we know things. But the problem is, all of the above mentioned methods are not fail-proof. All can deceive., intentionally or unintentionally. Eyes play tricks, people who write text books or other materials make mistakes or have other agendas or ulterior motives, science is constantly changing because of new knowledge and opinions on that knowledge, our minds forget or embellish, and our emotions have never been a very stable way of knowing anything. Physically, mentally, and emotionally we can be tricked. If we just depend on our senses, emotions, what you read about, or what the "all knowing" majority says about things, then we can very easily fall into believing anything and everything.

So how do we find truth? How do we know if something we learned in our science textbook is correct, or if all these charts and data actually do contain truth or the skewed results of political or personal agendas? How can we know what is real?

I know there is a God. Not because of any of those typical ways we think of knowing I mentioned above. But because of the only source of pure, undeciving truth. The Spirit.

If you have never experienced what is like to be taught truth by the Spirit then I really cannot describe it to you in words. It transcends the senses. It's like trying to tell someone who has never tasted salt what salt tastes like (to use the common Mormon explanation). It is an experience like none other. It happens to me--or I guess I could say I feel it, though it is so much more than that--in the presence of truth. It doesn't need anything outside  of itself to each me truth, though sometimes it will use things I read, hear or learn. It is something that teaches me knowledge my basic senses cannot. It teaches me truth to my soul.

I have had several special, sacred experiences with the spirit. I won't write them here but if you would ever want to talk about them (because you want to understand, not because of curiosity :) ) I would love to share them. Through my experiences with the spirit throughout my life I have come to truly know that there is a God, who loves me, knows me by my name, and is my Heavenly Father.

And this is what I know, and cannot doubt.

Check out my poverty awareness blog!

Hey Friends,
Come take a look at my new blog:


http://creatingpovertyawareness.blogspot.com/

This is my new passion.... fighting poverty. I'll still be posting here every now and again but this new blog is more important to me. So check it out, share your thoughts, ideas, concerns, problems...whatever.

Join the fight!

Why you don't need a man...or a woman

This quote from The Great Divorce by CS Lewis has been in my head lately. The story is about people going to kind of a middle ground where they can choose to either go to Heaven or hell. In this middle ground, the spirits who have gone to heaven already come to meet those who are just arriving to convince them to come to heaven with them. This particular conversation is between a woman who is already an angel, or has chosen to go to Heaven, and her earthly Love, who is deciding now which route he will take.

“I am in love. In love, do you understand? Yes, now I love truly.”Says the woman.

“You mean,” said the Tragedian, “you mean—you did not love me truly in the old days?”
“Only in a poor sort of way,” she answered. “I have asked you to forgive me. There was a little real love in it. But what we called love down there was mostly the craving to be loved. In the main I loved you for my own sake: because I needed you.”
“And now!” said the Tragedian with a hackneyed gesture of despair. “Now, you need me no more?”
“But of course not!” said the Lady; and her smile made me wonder how both the phantoms could refrain from crying out with joy.
“What needs could I have,” she said, “now that I have all? I am full now, not empty. I am in Love Himself, not lonely. Strong, not weak. You shall be the same. Come and see. We shall have no need for one another now: we can begin to love truly.” 

I absolutely LOVE that quote. I think of all the songs, movies, dramas that make romance and love look like it is built around a desperate need. A need to have someone complete you. A need to be loved. I see it in myself often; sometimes I do things in relationships and I THINK I am being selfless...but in reality I am just trying to secure the fact that I am needed, and I am worthy to be loved. If I could put aside my desperate craving to be loved, my motives would be pure and I would love more fully and deeply.

I remember my dad telling me once that I was "co-dependent" on a certain guy I was dating. That I was so obsessed, I guess you could say, with him that I wouldn't be able to function without him as long as I stayed in this co-dependent state. I remember getting furious at my dad and wondering why that was so wrong. What was so wrong with needing someone in your life so desperately? Wasn't that love? When we broke up my life was in shambles for awhile...and I really felt I couldn't function. "We must be meant to be together" I would think, "Or else why would it cause us both so much pain to be apart, even for a day?"

I look back at my sad little self and have to smile a little. My dad was right. Co-dependency is not healthy. Nor is it true love. It's selfish infatuation and obsession.

You don't need a lover in your life. If you focus your life around Christ and His Love, your needs will all be met. And you will have no need for anyone else. Then, once your needs are met by His Pure Love, THEN you may truly love...pure, unselfish, consecrated love.

Making me Strong

Good morning! It is now 5AM and I have been up since around 2:45 AM. I'm pretty wired so I don't think I am going back to sleep, so I am just accepting I am up for the day.

Yes, this is due to my sweet baby girl. I have no idea why she likes to wake up all night. And yes, I am sure plenty of people out there have tons of advice and do's and do not's for me. Well, I've tried them all, read all the books, and I've come to the conclusion that some children are just difficult. And though she is difficult and runs me ragged sometimes, she brings me more joy and laughter than I have ever had in my life. I love her giggles, how she likes to share her stuffed animals with me, how when she gets mad at things she throws them, and how she is instantly comforted when I pick her up. She really is such a joy to me, sleepless nights and all.

As we've been going through these sleeping problems since her birth I've had to learn a lot of patience. I've had to realize I can't fix everything. I've had to come to accept that if I get sleep, I'm lucky. I've learned to lean more on my Savior, whose grace can carry me through each day of preschool and babysitting and mothering and "wife"-ing despite my severe lack of sleep. My goal lately is to eliminate complaining, and be like Nephi, who while he was tied up and miserable but continued to sing praises to the Lord (1 Nephi 18:16 Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions.) I don't know how he did it, but that is my goal.

One thing that has helped me in this goal is an article written by Leslie Ludy, one of my favorite Christian authors. She writes how our children can make us strong, even, or more like especially, when they are difficult. It is a beautiful article and came at the perfect time for me. Here is the link: http://setapartgirl.com/home.html. The article is  called :Tensile Strength Training. Whether you have children or not it is great. It is a good reminder that the hard times we are given are to strengthen us and train us to stand as witnesses of Christ and to lean upon Him and His all encompassing grace.

Though I am not quite where Nephi was (I still murmur), I am starting to be grateful for the trials I do face. I am grateful to see His hand in my life strengthening me. I am grateful for His daily grace is that enables me to live each day to the fullest, despite the exhaustion. I am grateful for my sweet girl and all the joys and challenges she brings to me, and how already she is making me strong.